Cardboard Fish With a Wooden Box Head

The following is a Senior Composition paper that I wrote whilst in High School.  The grade I received and some teacher comments are at the bottom.  The prompt for this paper was: ‘write a descriptive paper appealing to all the senses.’

Other High School Papers: Yanni

Cardboard Fish With a Wooden Box Head

            I look out onto the beach below me from my house-side bunker and stare stalkingly at various beach-goers.  Down on the sands, thousands of crabs and pelicans are visible.  A large white poof fills the sky with a carnivorous orange-red beak and rough, flapping wings.  One, airborne, swoops down to the crisp oceanic surface, currently glittered with large men and women on assorted, floatable apparatuses.  As the pelican swoops down with exuberance, shiny feathers fall and glare in the hot, unyielding sun.  He captures a fish with his bulbous beak−neon meat in an orange-red beak.  It drifts down to devour its slime-covered meat.  I look the other way.

A crab with long, thick feet scuttles on the sand.  A large-breasted woman exits the area with a crying infant, while a nearby crab tickles the sand with delicate precision.  The waves are heard crashing, a blue brilliance bringing dead jellyfish and raw, untouched carcasses to shore.  Sounds similar to feet can be vaguely heard.  The taste of salt and sweat viciously break the barricade that is my mouth.  The harsh wind slows, but only for a lingering second before moving towards a higher turbulence.  Several small children fall over, as one is taken out in the ocean’s current.  Scrambling, the lifeguard jumps off her red, wooden throne.  Running with alarm, she jumps into the numbing water.  The child is one hundred feet out.  The lifeguard runs slowly in the water.  The dramatic movie-like speed makes the untamed child panic.  A mother can be seen in the background with soft, pale hands, caressing her tear-laden eyes.  The child is 250 feet out.  The current is strong and merciless.  The lifeguard begins to swim, the high-tide waters resisting her forceful grunts.  The child screams as she is cascaded underneath the shiny surface.  The lifeguard reaches the child in two minutes.  On the ground, the child is not breathing.  The lifeguard attempts CPR but it is too late.  She pounds the durable, grainy beach floor with a bloody fist.  High tide starts to wither and relinquish its hunger back into the sea.

*Teacher Notes: “Points off for irrelevant title”, “Yes−the second ½ gets much better.  Forceful, descriptive…word choice is sometimes off, but in the right direction generally.  Good stuff.”

*Grade Earned: 36/40

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